Minako's First Battle"
by A Lifeless Soul
Summary: Minako has entered the pokemon league and has some...interesting pokemon to say the least. R&R! Pretty darn funny.


The wind blew silently that day in pokeville, the…um, flying ones were flying. The green ones were in the grass, the blue ones in the water, and the red ones were…in the giant hole of magma the village just so happened to have in its center.   
Ash slowly made his way into the pokeville stadium, his first match against people from another world, another time, and of course another intelligence level.   
"Don't worry Pikachu" Ash said confidently "We will win this match with you and all my other completely low level pokemon, just like we always do" Ash spoke slowly so the one word taught Pikachu could follow. "Pikachu! Pika Pika Pikachu!" The Pikachu responded of course".  
Minako was already in the gym, her face of that of a very concentrated trainer, until she figured out how to open her mascara compact and smiled happily. "I got it opeeeeeen!" She squealed annoyingly, as usual. "I have to look perfect when I win this match since I always think Ill be good at everything!"  
Ash enters as the crowd swells with cheer for yet another trainer they do not know or care if end up dead. The young arrogant crybaby makes his way to the in box on the end of the poke-ring. "Are you ready to be defeated Minako!" He screams, as he knows the name of his opponent before asking.  
"You bet I am!" Minako responded two minutes later not thinking about her words, but then again possibly putting a lot of thought into them.  
Minako places her hand slowly into her pocket pulling out what looks to be her first choice for the match. "I will use this!" as she waves her "One sex session free" coupon around.  
"What the hell is that?" Ash squinted at the small piece of paper as Minako automatically assumed him to be able to read.   
"It's for a free sex session with me!" Minako blurted out to everyone "If you forfeit I'll give it to you!". Her smile, now widening, as she hopes for more meaningless pleasure, and the opportunity to be with a boy half her age.  
"Um…I would really rather have a poke-mon match now Minako if you don't mind" Ash unwillingly muttered as the thought for an easy score flashed through his mind.   
"Hmp…fine then!" Minako shouted as her thought for all hope for this young stallion slowly faded away. "I will use this poke-ball first!" Minako shouted as her first poke-ball was revealed and tossed into the middle of the ring opening quickly.  
"I wonder what she'll use" Ash thought to himself, not worried since of course he will win as he is the main character and knows it.  
"Go Boot!" Minako's poke-ball opens and a boot materializes in the ring.  
Ash frowns slightly as he doesn't know this poke-mon; he takes out his pocket dictionary of poke-mon "What poke-mon is that?" Ash's pocket poke-mon dictionary short circuits in his hand as it falls to the ground, almost seeming to be laughing. Ash frowns "She must have a very rare poke-mon!"  
"Go boot!" Minako shouts as she points her finger out for the boot to attack the unsuspecting trainer.  
"Pikachu use your agility attack!" Ash quickly bellows as Pikachu hops to it.  
"Pika! Pika! Pika! Pika!" It says as it…runs. Quickly darting side to side around the motionless boot.  
Minako smiles as the Pikachu's back turns to it for a spilt second and yells " Boot kick attack now!" To Minako's utter confusion I'm sure the boot lies there doing nothing. "Boot!!! Attack now!" Minako stammers again as the boot simply is, there.  
"Pikachu use Thunderbolt!" Ash chooses the attack quickly out of his many arsenal of three entire attacks.  
"Pikaaaaaaa-chuuuuu!!!" Pikachu uses thunderbolt on the shoe as it is slowly melted into a pile of rubber.   
Minako stands there utterly amazed at the strength of his pokemon "Boot return!" the melted unrecognizable pile of liquid returns to Minako's poke-ball "You did a great job boot, you just need some rest now" Minako says stupidly to the permanently melted pile of material.  
Ash gins a bit at his first victory "Well Pikachu whatever poke-mon that was she didn't train it hard enough to beat us!" Ashe begins to skip around stupidly after winning the first match; his arrogant ness also then raises a few levels.  
"Pika Pika Pikachu!" The Pikachu says again, once again somehow being able to communicate with Ash although only being able to say Pikachu so many ways.  
Minako stands a bit dazes but then realizing her nose is there and that she just can't see it she smiles and gets another poke-ball. "I choose you…Bill Clinton!"  
Ash gasps, as the one time American president appears before him "Pikachu I don't know if we can beat this guy "Ash screams "return and Ill choose another."  
Pikachu returns quickly as Ash pulls another ball from deep within his pants. Knowing this was a lying type Ash decides to just beat the living snot out of it.  
"I choose you...Charizard!" Ash tosses the poke-ball into the ring and a giant Charizard appears.   
"Roooaaarrr" the giant poke-mon screams, as it is one of the few who apparently isn't even smart enough to know how to say its own name.  
Minako gasps at his choice but regains her semi working brain and yells out at Clinton "Use your flirt attack!" She points her finger at him to go attack the Charizard.  
"I'd rather use it on you sweetie" Bill winks at Minako, as he gets ready for his flirt attack by removing his pants. "Now your mine Charizard!" He stutters a bit at the end "You are a female one right?" He says worried  
"Roar!" was the Charizards detailed answer  
"Oh well it doesn't matter to me Ill screw anything with a hole" Bill runs at the Charizard and stops in front of it winking "you have really pretty…feet"  
The Charizard smacks him with his tail leaving Bill flying through the air until he hits the ring again face first. "Roooar!" was the Charizards battle cry.  
Minako begins to cry a bit and stamps "Clinton return!" she yells as the baka booty chaser was sucked back into the small womanless space it needs to be in forever.  
Ash smiles as he waits for his final challenge "Charizard return!" Charizard is returned to his magically shrinking balls. "Pikachu I choose you again!" Ash sends in his Pikachu to fight as usual cause though he is only a mere level one he seems to be undefeatable. "Get ready!" He shouts his simple anyone can do attacks commands to his Pikachu, fully neglecting with attention and food his other poke-mon as usual and keeping them in their cages alone.   
Tossing her final poke-ball into the ring Minako smirks and calls forth her most powerful Poke-mon to date "Mamoru I choose you!" She shouts as her Mamoru is released "It's about time Minako, I was getting cramped…um, this doesn't look like your bedroom" Mamoru states as he looks around the ring a bit confused.  
"Mamoru use um…deceit attack now!" Minako smirks knowing her last little pawn will not fail her this time.  
Mamoru stands a bit confused but decides he has to do it "Well, if this is what it takes to get laid" He shrugs a bit as he takes off towards the small Pikachu and stops in front of it "You are a cute little thing"  
"Pika!" The Pikachu yelled loudly and smiled as it took the compliment from its opponent.  
"And I want to be with you forever and ever and ever" Mamoru lies to the Pikachu slowly bringing the poor thing into its trance as it had so many girls before it.  
"Pika…" Now completely under his spell of lying bastard assed charm Pikachu stands flattered and helpless.  
"Now finish him with your heartbreak attack Mamoru!" Minako exclaimed at the poor excuse for a man.  
"I hate you and Ill always love Usagi…or my daughter, I can't remember right now but it isn't you!" Mamoru quickly brings to the Pikachu's attention.  
"Pika!!!!" Its shouts...again as it falls over and cringes at the words. "Pika Pi…." Oh do I even need to say the rest?  
"Pikachu get up! Our ratings will go down the toilet if you lose now stand up!" Ash yells at his fallen friend.  
"Pikachu…"Mutters the hurting little mouse thing as it stands up again. Knowing it cant let Ash or the WB Company down.  
"You better win this for me or I swear Ill put you in that little ball like all the others and make you eat waist for dinner!" Ash screams angrily at his pet.  
Mamoru smiles and awaits his orders for the next round "Good, everyone falls for me, even that baka Usagi ditz"  
The microphone picks Mamoru's murmuring up "That stupid Usagi ditz… that stupid Usagi ditz…that stupid Usagi ditz…that stupid Usagi ditz…"  
Mamoru blinks a few times before saying "Aww…shit"  
Usagi smiles in the crowd "Isn't it great how Mamoru teases me all the time minna?" She giggles a few times before standing up "You can do it my love! Beat that hairy thing right in front of me!"  
"Pikachu use Thunderbolt now!" Ash cries out as one of his last attempts to get this match over with.  
"Piiikaaaaa-chuuuuu!!!" The oversized hamster screams as it sends billions of volts of electricity of at Mamoru striking him.  
"Mmmaaammooorruuu!!!" Mamoru screams as he is hit and dies, yes dies as evil laughter rises from the narrator's booth.  
Minako sighs sadly and meets Ash in the center of the ring "Good match Ass" she says and extends her hand.  
"Its Ash…"Ash says as he takes her hand and shakes it slowly. "I'm sure we will battle again some day Meninhole"  
Minako frowns some "Its Minako" she says rudely back to him. "And yes I'm sure we will, only without my Mamoru I'm afraid"  
Ash smiles and walks away from her "That was the easiest match I've ever had" Slowly Ash makes his way out of the gym, walking into the sunset with Misty and Brock as their adventure continues.  
For no reason at all three strange people go soaring through the sky "Team rockets blasting off again!!!" They scream as they fade into the night.  
Minako gathers her "poke-mon" and walks past the pile of dust, which was once Mamoru and spits in it "Next time you wont be so lucky ashes…Ash, Mamoru…um…dammit!" She stomps as she walks out of the gym.  
Usagi comes down and gathers up the dust "Its ok Mamoru, I'm sure my crystal can heal you since it healed that small little hole you had in your chest that one time, it will be ok, plus we never die anyway since we are reincarnated" Usagi picks the ashes up and puts them into her empty 7-UP can and walks into the sunset.   
So this story comes to an end, a happy end, but at least it's freaking over now. I can finally get some damn rest like I deserve! The narrator then went back to his house and had a big party with many many drunken women and lived to tell many stories after.  
  
THE END  



End file.
